And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
