Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
