just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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