Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
