dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
