so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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