i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
