I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
