I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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