She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
