I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
