he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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