I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
