So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
