Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
