I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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