I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
