He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
