Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
