see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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