You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
