So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pooping to opera.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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