I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
