Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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