My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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