I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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