i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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