I can tuck mytits in my pants
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
