She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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