I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
