We won't sleep together?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
