Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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