i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
