Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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