About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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