You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
