you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
