i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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