don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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