That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
