where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...