I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company