Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck me I smell like cheese