How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just cut my nipple shaving
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with