Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize