I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We're too hungover to prance.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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