i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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