tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
