haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
