he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You don't make any sense
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