I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
