nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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