well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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