We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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