I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
