I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
