Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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