You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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