I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
