Ketchup is God's man juice
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
