how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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