ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
