so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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