WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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