If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
