So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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