enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
