Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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