He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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