Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize