Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize