i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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