oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
