the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
