btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
