They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
