This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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