White coat. Heels.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
